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Active, Respectful, Collaborative Couples Therapy

Resolve your relationship issues and deepen your connection, in a supportive and safe space.
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Dr. Bruce Chalmer
Couples Therapist in South Burlington, VT

Dr. Chalmer is a therapist who specializes in working with couples. He brings to this work a wide-ranging curiosity and intelligence, an ability to connect with people, and a passion for helping people live happier, healthier lives. He uses his knowledge, skill, and long experience of couples therapy to help his clients achieve their goals.

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Front cover of "It's Not About Communication!"
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Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life - cover
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What Do We Talk About In Couples Therapy?

Dr. Chalmer brings to this work a wide-ranging curiosity and intelligence, an ability to connect with people with warmth and humor, and a deep respect for the dignity of each person. Whatever issues you may bring to therapy, be it infidelity, sexual issues, parenting concerns, or any other kind of relationship problem, Dr. Chalmer will help the two of you get past blame and find healing.

Check out Dr. Chalmer’s podcast, videos, and blog to learn more about how he works with you about a wide range of issues, including sex (and how to go from plain old sex to good sex to sacred sex), marriage, faith, cheating and healing from affairs, forgiveness, communication, aging, cross-dressing, porn, and many more topics.

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Erotic charge is not just when you’re having sex. It’s like, when you’re doing the dishes, and there’s this little sense there that any moment you could just fall into each other’s arms, and you just don’t happen to be doing that at the moment. The attraction is there—it’s almost palpable.
From Our Podcast“Plugging in the Erotic Charge”
What stable couples tend to do is avoid rocking the boat, because stability is important, and anxiety is a miserable feeling. But intimacy often requires raising anxiety. And thus begins what I’ve called the death spiral for passion in a couple: to avoid threatening stability, they stop risking intimacy.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
How you’re communicating is a consequence of what you’re communicating, and that’s a function of a lot more than just communication.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
Trying to follow communication rules when you’re not doing well won’t make you do well. In fact, when a couple isn’t doing well, they find it impossible to follow the rules. By way of analogy, ever notice how Rafael Nadal grunts loudly whenever he hits the tennis ball? Guess what? Grunting when you hit the ball won’t make you play like Rafa.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
A lack of intimacy becomes destabilizing. If stability provides the roots for a relationship, intimacy provides the energy for growth.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookReigniting the Spark
Symptoms of a relationship deprived of intimacy can include affairs, sudden departures, depression in one or both parties, substance abuse, seemingly pointless arguments, and general relationship malaise.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication

Featured Podcasts

Couple making love

The Erotic Equation, and More on Husband’s Cross-Dressing

March 17, 2023

What is the “erotic equation”? We talk about the idea, first articulated by Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind, that eroticism needs obstacles to be hot. Then we revisit the topic of one of our most popular episodes, “My Wife Found Out I Cross-Dress. Help!” One of our listeners commented on the episode

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Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life - cover

Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life – The Podcast

March 3, 2023

How can our seven-word formula—“Be kind, don’t panic, and have faith”—help your love life? We talk about how those words can guide you as you do the work—sometimes scary work—of healing your passionate connection with your partner. My ridiculous rap on the seven words is at https://www.youtube.com/?v=0cF0bO7mGac. If you sign up for my newsletter (which

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Woman in pants viewed from the rear

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

March 1, 2023

What do you do when your partner asks you, “Do these pants make me look fat?” As we discuss, it’s classically asked by a woman of her male partner, and it strikes terror into the hearts of the guy. But we realized—actually, Judy realized—after we did the recording that there’s a great equivalent question that

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Do you need help overcoming relationship challenges?

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